Communication is a unique tool that keeps us together with the world from the moment we were born. Communication first initiates with coping with oneself, then it helps to keep it together with other people and every detail in life. If you are not a loner, you always need to communicate. But how to communicate?
Our communication style has changed because of social media. We prefer the visual communication language more. Emojis, messages, gifs are the tools we use to express every detail in our life. The point we need to pay attention to is “non-violent” regardless of communication styles. Let’s take a look at your own communication before we say how. Which words do you use most? You can hear these words more “no”, “it is not like that”, “but”, and “only”. Sentences beginning with these words can be a way to blame yourself or another person. Even unconsciously, you can use violence in your language. If needed to speak in detail, more compassion is the basic rule for a healthy relationship.
Studies on “Non-violent communication” emerged through a concept found out by Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, who is no longer alive. Rosenberg has a book with this title. Nonviolent communication enables us to communicate more compassionately with ourselves and then with our environment. Rosenberg aims to blame and punish violent communication in his book. Based on its nature, “it is a judgmental attitude that focuses on what is wrong rather than what is needed”. Equality is important in communication. This can only be achieved with a non judgmental and focused method. Four steps to arrange your communication again.
Rosenberg highlights 4 steps to go back and focus on our needs. The first step, to focus more on what can happen by describing objectively instead of estimating subjectively. The second step is to express our feelings about this situation “emotionally”. The third step involves specifying what we need at that point, and the last step is to ask the counterpart for the need to be met. Non-violent communication is not a therapy. It is a method mostly used to remove any conflict. Especially, it is useful to ensure peace in relationships.
Emotions are information about whether our needs are met. When our needs are met we feel great. When our needs are not met, we feel unpleasant. These feelings can create resistance in us. Nonviolent communication is a method to understand the situations that cause feeling unpleasant. It aims to draw a conclusion as if the event were watching with a camera. If a camera does not judge, we can analyze the situation by observing the event. Asking questions to other people can be required during the process. In this case, we should ask our question without using our own feelings or judgments. For example, if someone speaks with you loudly you can ask that person the question “I feel that your voice is loud when you speak to me right now. Is
it correct?” which ensures the communication continue instead of asking ““Why do you treat me rudely?”. As the sentence “You treat me rudely” contains a judgment, the other person will not hear you and will not respond you, and they will think that they are accused. Moreover, that person will try to defense himself/herself by raising the speech tension.
Nonviolence as a Life Style
Abstaining from non-violence means to behave kindly, empathetically, and politely with yourselves and people whom you communicate with every day. This behavior makes nonviolence a life style. You can also get help from yoga and meditation to make nonviolent communication a life style. Yoga is one of the ways to feel the deep needs of yourself and others. It focuses on resolving conflicts rather than ending them and a method to reduce anger, just like yoga and meditation.
